Where do these People come from?

I wrote this on LDD.  Some times I just wonder about the people in our lives, and how, if we come from them, we see the world soo differently.  These people just make me tired.  They're behavior hurts my heart and my brain.  And I'm tired of paying the price for their behavior too.


Some of you have read little snippets about my mother being the chief reason as to why I got interested in Dd. Yesterday came the best illistration that could have happened.


It all started years ago when I didn't listen to my dear hubby about what I should do with an interferring parent, set on the distruction of my marriage and undermining all authority in our house through our children, so that She was seen by my children as the parental authority. Well it almost worked. I thank my God above that it didn't! My youngest at 14 did go on a huge 'mommy search' that lasted untill she was 18. She's 18 right now. She even tried living at my mothers house for a while when she was 15, but she left on bad terms. I don't know why my mother wants my children, or thinks so little of me, but let me tell you, she is what I call a 'boundry buster', she has absolutly NO respect for other people's boundries, to the point that she would lie to me and then tell the child, over ice cream after she just took them to do what I had told her NOT to let them do, that they can't tell me, it would be their little secret. She always said to them "I know sometimes you can't tell your mother something, but you can always tell me anything, she doesn't have to know". I could go on and on, but I won't.


So reciently, (middle of May) she decided to take my son in. He's a 22yr old drug user (who always claim's he's reciently clean) that sufferes from periods of phycosis. This means that he hears voices in his head. Thoes voices sound identical to whom ever he has been living with for about 3 weeks or longer. So she phoned me but I was out. When my husband got back from work he told me that she had called on his cell (she had really called my cell which was forwarded to his for work purposes) and asked

1) is Joey there, ("no" says hubby), well do you know where she is ("she's busy but will be home later" says hubby) and

2) have you seen Jareth or talked to him latley. ("no we have a restraining order between us, why?" says hubby now starting to panic a little)
When she told him that my uncle had agreed to take in Jareth (which wasn't the whole truth), hubby replied "well then **** is an idot. (not what I would have said or approved of him saying that about my uncle) She just about scared my husband to death.


Now she KNEW that there has recently been a restraining order put in place by the courts because he broke into our home, and was standing in the dark kitchen (hadn't turned on the lights) playing with a 12" long professional carving knife (razor sharp, you chould probably shave with it) in his hand while he eat a sandwich that he had used the knife to make, even though there were about 10 far more apropriate knifes he could have used. I got really angry with him, when he started ordering me to get him his resume "right now" I said "no and you can leave right now!!"  So as he passed me he spat in my face.


We called the police, filled out a complaint, and they arrested him and charged him with assult and break and enter. (he plead guilty for the assult but not for the b&e and got 14 days in jail with a 1yr probation and a whole bunch of conditions, because of his mental issues they didn't want to put him in longer)


We also had informed the officer that he had let himself in on 3 other occations, when the front door had been left unlocked, (usually by one of our other adult children that was living with us), he would sneek up the stairs and just about give you a heart attack standing at the top of the stairs, not making a sound, waiting for you to turn around. (Just before this happened they had all moved out) So when we got home, hubby had walked into the house, turned on the office light, gone to walk into the kitchen and saw him just standing there playing with this knife in his hand, eating the sandwich, not making a sound.
When the officer saw the knife her eyes just about popped out of her head! Even she said that this was dangerous and suspicious behavior.
He was angry at me for not letting him move back in with us instead of going back to rehab. My mother knew all of this stuff, and I had told her on at least 4 different occations about the restraining order. So she knew better than to phone like that.
She had also decided in her mind that I would be angry with my uncle for letting him move in with him. She has decided how I will react a lot for most of my life, and is wrong 99% of the time.


When I phoned her back she just launched into this tiraid, and started yelling at me "you guys are not going to put me in the middle of this (I had to figure out what that meant later), I told uncle * to call you and talk to you about J***th but he wont, so you need to call him". I had repeatedly made the mistake of saying "well you called (hubby's) cell so I'm just returning your call and" she really got mad then, told me that she didn't phone hubby's cell, she had called mine and he answered so "DON'T TELL ME WHAT I DID AND DIDN'T DO OR WHOSE CELL I CALLED!!" (said in a controlled cold and snippy yell, key phrase and warning sign)
There were a lot of other things she said like "J***th is planning on joining the millitary reserves, and uncle * was going to help him get in" I told her calmly that that wouldn't happen because they wont except people with mental health issues, she said "well that's not very positive". (ummm, Ok, reality check please?) So I said "he hears voices" and she said "well I don't know that" (another key phrase and warning sign).


So I (while talking over her) I said " well clearly you're in a full blown tantrum so I'm going to hang up now" I had caught myself getting angry, so I deliboratly calmed myself, and said this to her in a very calm voice, but talking over her. I heard her say to me "well I think that's a good idea" and that was as far as she got when I pushed the button, so she got cut off in mid scentence. Now when I tell you that I'm hanging up now, I do. That is, I hang up the phone, I don't sit and listen to you finish saying all of the belittling things that you want to say because at this point I can tell that this is just a power struggle, and instead of getting angry, I decided a few years back that I don't 'do' power stuggles. Period.


You see at her shop one day, I over heard her saying to an employee that "you can have a knock down, drag'm out fight with Joey, but not with J(my brother) because J will just walk away and you won't see him for a while, so that's no fun, but Joey wont." I suddenly understood why I always thought things are My fault and why I felt so manipulated and controlled by her. You see, I don't play games well. I just don't. I can't see the axe falling untill it's too late, and I think "how did that just happen", or "how did she make this MY fault, I should have said ____ to her". So now, if I feel like I'm being toyed with, or I hear a few key phrases I end the conversation fast.


Fast froward a couple of days, my dad calls and asks me a ton of questions about J**th. I answered them but now my *radar* is going off. He told me that J**th wanted his stuff and kept saying that I should drop them by to his house. So I said to hubby "I'll bet he's there". I just kept saying that I'd drop them of to uncle's shop. My Dad had also said that my mother was angry that I hung up on her and she wasn't going to talk to me untill I appologised to her. *For What??* Apperently I was disrespectfull and one of the ten commandments says 'Honor your Father and Mother'. I told him that I had honored her by telling her I was hanging up now and doing so before I said anything I shouldn't. He told me that I needed to work it out with her.


I phoned my uncle, made sure that J**th wasn't there, brought J**th's stuff to my uncles store and talked to my uncle outside the store. During that conversation he told me that J**th has been staying at my parents house. Now I knew that I was being played.


Then my Dad phoned me and got mad at me for not bringing over my mothers birthday (end of May) present, (still not telling me that J**th was at the house). I told him that I had phoned her, got no answer, and left a message that I would call later but that I had to go to work with hubby on a really long call (we have an on call job) and I didn't get back untill 9pm, and thought it was too late. He said that that was no excuse and I should have dropped the gift off like my brother did in the evening.
(can you hear the sound of a needle being dragged off of the plastic music album like I can?)
After I got off of the phone I thought, Wait one minute here, they know I can't go over there, and they know why!! (never mind I'm under direct orders from hubby not to break that order, which I whole hartedly agree with, but under orders none the less) They are tring to get me to break a court ordered restraining order, thus teaching my son, who already has authority issues (he doesn't understand why he has to obey the authorities), has boundry issues (he doesn't understand the difference between your stuff and his stuff, especially if he wants to sell your stuff for drugs), and a whole lot of other issues, that he doesn't have to listen to the order.  If THEY say so, I can come over. Besides they assumed that I didn't know he was over there and had no intention of telling me, thus lying by omition.


A week before father's day my daughter C had told me that J**th was now gone. So I brought over my mothers birthday present and late mother's day present. She was COLD!! I handed her the gift and said "I can bring this over now because I know that J**th isn't here anymore" she said "Oh, you do.", puts it on a shelf unopened, and goes back to the couch. I know how this is going to go. She suddenly gets up and says "I'll tell your father your here." (he had his knee replaced about a month prior and was lying down) On her way back to the couch I said "I would have dropped them off but I knew he was here and you know there is a res. order between us" to which she said " Oh, I see.", so I said that I was going to go and just left. My dad hadn't even gotten out of his room yet.


So father's day rolls around, had a good conversation with Dad on the phone, but I could hear that people were over, so it was short. No problem. I told him I'd drop off his gift later. So I phoned him yesterday, (we've had a really busy 2 weeks with our pond and it's really hard to want to go over there when Mom is busy showing me that she's mad) but no one was home. He phoned me back at about 9:30pm to my surprise. He said that he was returning my call, and I told him that I was calling to let him know I'd be bringing his father's day gift over the next morning. He tried to scold me for not working this out with my mother, so I said "work what out, there's nothing to work out", he said "you've been disrespectfull to your mother" at which point I said "No I didn't" and he said "well she's my wife and your mother, so you can't phone here untill you two work it out" So I said "that's fine, then I won't call you anymore" Done!!


So that's his reasoning for defending really bad behavior from my mother. She's his wife. That's it. Your kidding me right? This is who I don't want to turn into. Guess who runs this house. He apperently has no opinion but hers, and logic and truth don't apply.

Update:

So that's it, and I haven't talked to them since.  I gave Hubby the movie card I had bought for my Dad because I don't believe he's behaving like a dad.  He want's me to disreguard the fact that my mother is lying to me and about me to other people, and wants me to appologise to her for something she is lying about me doing?  Does this even make sence??  Not to me.

Anyway .........

Thanks for Stopping By.